There is something about weddings that makes me consider life, choices, and crossroads. I have no way of knowing where I would have ended up if I hadn't eloped twenty years ago. I do know I wouldn't be here with the son I have so there is no doubt in my mind at all that I chose the right path.

In the near future there will be changes; my son will go to college and become more independent every time I see him. This is supposed to happen and he will carve out his own path to follow.

I thought I would be taking a new path too. A chance to share a future of new experiences, adventures, and companionship. I may have misunderstood. Confused and disoriented, I want to shout 'What the hell just happened?' but nobody will answer.

Instead, I will put on the mask that tells the world that everything is fine. (I perfected this when my husband was drinking himself to death.) At least I have my blog now to release some of the pressure.